If you give a girl a cookie...

If you give a girl a cookie, will she take a bite? This is my newest observational quest.

How many times have you been to a party or luncheon, taken one look at the food being served and thought to yourself, "Self, how much of a commotion will I make, if I shove the entire plate of three layer chocolate chip cookie cake into my purse?"

Or, how about when you spy an enormous bowl of sweet marshmallowy fluff crap and seriously think, "I need to be alone with this stuff."

Here's the problem. I will take one look at the offering and nervously chuckle to the OC wannabe housewives around me, "Gee, that looks delicious. Think anyone will notice if I take the platter into the bathroom?"

The looks I get. You'd have thought I looked like an escapee from Jenny Craig.

I just want to say, "Pipe down there and open wide, try a bite."

Shouldn't there be some sort of cut-off for anorexia?
Say by the time you hit forty, if you haven't yet reached your "goal" weight, shouldn't you try to focus on a hobby instead?

I am not saying go hog wild, but seriously ladies, someone went to a lot of trouble to bake up all those mini chocolate eclairs, shouldn't we at least eat them?

That is why I have always chosen my friends carefully.

There is nothing that bugs me more than to be with a group of my friends, order up the Nachos Grande and hear comments like "You're not going to eat that crap, are you?"

I'm just going to put it out there, ladies, if you cannot hang with the guacamole and sour cream crowd, step aside!

But there is no doubt in my mind that some foods are just better when eaten alone.

Take Cheetos, for example.

The perfect Cheetos setting would be an empty house, a TV with extended cable and a working remote control. Add a sippy cup with Jack and diet and nothing, or no one else.

If that makes me a man, so be it.

Because I am telling you, the minute you start sharing that bag of Cheetos, the annoyance factors start setting in.

While you may find all that orange pixie dust charming on your finger tips, it becomes downright annoying when someone else is wearing it and dipping their hands into your bag of Cheetos!