In a single morning, I heard someone tell Ann, "I think bears in the wild are far safer than bears kept in captivity." Ann went on to quickly assure her viewers that NBC did not necessarily think it was a good idea to contact wild bears.
Changing direction, Ann asked her viewers if they thought it was possible they carried the "fat gene." The fat gene? I am thinking every woman has at least one pair of fat jeans, although not in white. No, white fat jeans are just wrong. It is like saying, "jumbo shrimp" or, as I used to say back in the Clinton era, "President Clinton."
It is, you know, one of "them, there" oxymorons. Although I have to admit, I am a little ashamed of how terribly Republican I used to be. I now totally heart Bill Clinton. And Hillary, don't get me started. While I take full responsibility for starting the term, "Event Dressing," Hillary certainly gets the credit for the "Pantsuit."
And actually, if you really want my opinion, the whole idea of the "pant suit" is a little gross, don't you think? I mean just think about the words, pant and suit together. It even sounds hot. And I don't mean hot in a good way. I mean hot like sweating right through your Spanx sort of hot.
But on the other hand, if you are wearing a pant suit and you are not wearing your Spankies, shame on you. That is just wrong for the rest of us viewing you from behind.
Anyhow, getting back to the subject at hand, there really wasn't one, was there?
This is something my daughter warned me about. She said, "You tend to ramble and no one knows what you are talking about."
Really? Well, then. Back to fat genes. Genes with a G. The question raised was, "Could you be carrying the fat gene?" I dunno. Let me look, real quick.
After carefully reviewing the situation and with little consideration, I'd say there is a better than not chance that I am carrying that gene. I don't think further testing will be necessary. Save your research dollars, folks. And put those calipers down. We got a certified carrier right here.
And Ms. Curry, who if you ask me will have trouble spelling the word fat without getting that sad little, "Oh, how can we help these people" look on her sweet, Asian face, will ask her resident expert, "What can we do as non-carriers of this genetic abnormality for our friends and family who are afflicted?"
She'll give that earnest look, the one that says, "If I just eat it for you, will that help?" And then she will hug her expert, secretly thinking, "Thank Goodness" I do not suffer from this terrible, terrible disorder.