Here Comes the Bride!

I am thinking about changing my name. Years ago when I married husband number one and as luck would have it thus far, husband one & only, I can remember giving serious thought to just keeping my maiden name, but instead decided to hyphenate my maiden name with my married name. Still, I felt like quite the liberated woman. I wasn't about to just "give up" on my roots, no sir- that was my identity we were talking about. I can remember signing my name with flourish, thinking I'd show "them" that I was a wise, independent woman. And then Publix got those nifty little slide machines and everyone stopped writing checks and it just stopped mattering to me. And then somewhere, somehow along the way, I stopped using my maiden name altogether and it became just the D between the Mary and the Mead. Then a couple of kids later I changed my name once again and became just plain and simple, quite ordinary, M period Mead. But having just finished up devouring the NYTimes, Sunday Style, now I am not sure. Now I am left wondering what it would have been like for me had I stuck to my original plan and never dropped the maiden name. Would it have been confusing for my kids- us sporting different last names? Would everyone assume I was divorced and on the prowl- God forbid? Not that there is anything wrong with that, but since I was not and am not, would I have caused the other PTA moms to wonder? Could I have assumed that "other" woman role? I wonder how many of the brides listed in today's Time's will still be writing their last names out in long hand in say 15- 20 years. I wonder how many of the marriages will be intact. The New York Times wedding bann announcements sound like something out of an Emily Post book.  Sort of makes me want to don some gloves and sip me some afternoon tea! “Alexandra Jones and Ethan Carter III, were married Saturday at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart. The bride, Ms. Jones is keeping her name. The bride’s father, a former general partner with Lehman Brother's is now retired, living off what we all most recently lost. The bride’s mother is a psychiatrist in family practice in West Islip NY. The bride and groom met one day in a local post office where an elderly woman was asking for directions to the nearest restroom. After explaining to the elderly woman, that the US Postal service does not allow the public to use their restrooms, the future husband and wife graciously escorted the elderly woman to a nearby Starbucks. Six months later, at that same Post Office, the groom, who graduated magna cum laude from Yale and received a PhD in mathematics from M.I.T., got down on one knee and proposed to Ms. Jones”. Really, Mr. Groom? You have yourself a Ph freaking D and that is the best you could think of? And let's put this question out to the editors of the NYTimes, these announcements take up three pages of the STYLE section, is this necessary? Come on, people. Why don't the regular people get to submit their announcements? Here is what I want to see, “The bride, of Holly Hill, Fl, waited until she regained her figure after the birth of the couple’s second child to plan the wedding, which took place on Saturday at the local Golden Corral. The bride, in light of several failed marriages has elected to keep her second husbands name, as most of her children also carry that name. In attendance were both the bride and groom's children from their previous three marriages, in which all but one ended in divorce. The groom was dressed in a white suit, which was in high contrast to the orange color that he'd been most recently been seen wearing, courtesy of The Tomoka Correctional Facility. The bride attended Mainland high school for two years, but eventually decided she could still have it all with a G.E.D. The groom attended middle school in Eustis and it is unknown at this writing if he graduated. The bride was formerly employed at Turrie T Small in the lunchroom, up until its recent closing for failure to score above an F rating, and is currently unemployed. The groom is a sanitation engineer with the city of Daytona Beach. After a brief honeymoon at the Ichetucknee Springs campground, the bride and groom plan to make their home in Holly Hill with their collective seven children.  Now that's what I'm talking about.