You're Soaking in it

The article was titled, “Why I Stopped Wearing my Bra and Why you should too.” Seriously, did the author really suggest, "I take my bra off?"  OK, peeps, I’m just gonna break this to you gently and without much hoop-la.   I will never, let me repeat, nev-ver stop wearing my bra.

As a matter of fact, I’m thinking about coming out with my own line of bras called, Forever Up There.  Yep, that is correct.  They’re gonna be expensive, but at the same time, priceless.

What young, beautiful double D - wine soaked breast-estes  wouldn’t want to be, “Forever Up There.”  It’ll be just like my BFF Spanx- a miracle worker in a bag.  Except, instead of sucking you in, this specialty garment is gonna hold you up there- just how high you ask?  Well, that is the true gift in the contraption, you get to choose. Oh, and if you have any fear of heights, we've got that covered too.

Here's how it will work,  first select your size and than select your desired level of lift.  So if you truly want to be eighteen again, you’d choose the “You Go Girl” model.  This baby delivers you a third hand at a cocktail party, the perfect spot to hold that wine glass while you enjoy some yummy nibbles.  Think, "Mommies little helper." 

If you're not looking to start your husbands wig on fire, but are still seeking a girlish bounce, we'll get you fitted in our classic "Hello Lover" series.  Guaranteed to have your loved one running out to drape you in new baubles, say that coveted Tag Heuer diamond studded watch or maybe something simpler, like a pearl necklace.  Yes, this series is sure to be a people pleaser.

But let's face it, as the writer indicated, not all women are happy wrapped up tight in these boulder holders and some demand the freedom to go all natural.  These ladies fit into a particular series, still under development that we refer to as the "Frankly, I just Don't give a Damn"series.  This line will have particular appeal to the "Make mine a double" crowd.  Let’s face it ladies- you stepped off the edge when you started wearing the pants with the elastic around the waist (not to be confused with yoga pants, yoga pants are fabulous) and only changing out your razors once every six months.  Once you made the conscious decision to replace your Bobby Brown  moisturizer with Oil of Olay,  you'd already come to terms with not giving a rats ass, so why bother with the whole lift and separate philosophy? Proceed with extreme caution my friend. You have entered dangerously close to the, "So Just Sue Me" group and that is no  mans woman's land.  Never say never.