Dear Ms. XYZ:
Thank you for considering me for the position of intern II.
I am currently what most would call… uh, under-employed, as the field of high-end interior design has taken a nosedive over the past couple of years. I was a victim of “down-sizing,” (note to self, refers to my employment status and not my dress size) and lost my corporate job after several years of politicking, profiting and back stabbing. It wasn’t all bad and the tire marks are hardly noticeable.
I now have all the time in the world for the PTA, after-school ballet classes, running my son to T-ball practice and actually, with all my domestic diva skills, I’m a shoe-in for getting nominated lead “Room Mom.” But here’s the problem; my kids are now in college, and they have strictly forbidden me to volunteer on campus. With little to keep me busy, I’ve debated going the Martha Stewart route, but since my 401K has gone the way of my corporate health insurance, I have little to work with. Besides, those orange jump suits genuinely do make everyone look fat.
Here’s the part where I’m going to sell myself. By now, you know I can read and write, but what you don’t know is that I love, love, love to read. I’ve been a voracious reader since I was eight years old, back when the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle and Ramona the Pest were the rage. Since those days, my reading level has markedly improved, and I enjoy a variety of different genres. Humorous books are always first to hold my interest, I love Emily Giffen, Laurie Notaro and Jen Lancaster.
Emily’s characters are always so real and compelling. While reading her work you can actually visualize that the characters are someone you personally know. Both Laurie Notaro and Jen Lancaster are hilarious. They are what I’d describe as “Good mood” writers. Writing funny is not easy and they both have the ability to make you look at your own life and laugh out loud. Emily Giffen and Jen Lancaster are slated as key-note speakers at a conference I’m attending in June. I’m super excited and hope to meet them both.
Reading is something that I do a lot of and lately I’ve been doing most of my reading while lounging in my six foot soaker. It’s true; my favorite place to read is in the tub. Because of this, my local library has revoked my library privileges. Some small issue with returning water-logged books… So I have taken up with the Nook, which took a little getting used to and particular care because of the whole six foot soaker thing. But ever since my last doctor’s appointment and having to do that whole, “Strip to my panties and jump on the scale” fiasco, I have retired the old Cheetos bag, so no worries that I’d get pesky orange pixie dust on any of your manuscripts.
Hopefully, by now I have convinced you that I am worthy, and you are scrambling for your iPhone to call and give me the happy news. But just in case you need a little something extra to send my application directly to the top of the heap, remember, considering my current job, this will be a lateral move for me. And since my existing benefit package offers all the advantages of unemployment, I’d be thrilled to accept this position with XYZ Agency.
As a discerning reader with a keen appreciation for humor and plenty of time on my hands, I feel confident I’m the reader you are looking.
Some of my most recent and favorite reads:
The Elegance of the Hedgehog;
I hate Everybody ;
My Sister’s Keeper;
The Girl Who Played with Fire;
Born to Run;
The Elegance of the Hedgehog;
Handle with Care;
We Thought You'd be Prettier;
We're just like you, only prettier.
I hate Everybody.
Very truly yours,