Warning: The following content contains material of a sexual nature and may not be suitable for all ages.

All the good things in life are free.  Really, well like what?  And don't start with all that sappy crap.  I know, I know the freaking air I breath is free and the memories I cherish, they are free and I am free to love whom ever I chose.  But the really "gooood" things, there is a price.  Right now in my life I am addicted to 32oz Gladiator smoothies, are they free? No, but they are really, really good.  And don't even get me thinking about my wine, cuz, trust me, my wine is not even available in the grocery store.  No sir, you gotta get in your car and travel to a specialty store to get my kinda wine.  And if you tell me, "Oh, you should go to World Market, they have great wines" I will turn around and spit on the ground when you are not looking.  Wine may not be free, but bad wine is dead to me.  Now, how about sex, is that free?  Technically, the act is free, but it is not really free, is it?  And without going into too many details, what about the resulting fallout ?  Priceless, yes, but free- no way.  Think about the first male and female that discovered sex (and I am not referring to Adam or Eve, because that is way different then real sex).  But those first few humans must have thought to themselves, "This is remarkable, if I do this and she does that, OMG".  Seriously, they probably did have a somewhat direct connect to God and I am certain the discussions went something like this, "God, this is amazing, I mean, who knew?  We'd all been just sitting here on this cold, hard cave floor and had no idea of the possibilities. And OMG, God, thank you so much for showing us the ropes, they really change it up".  And with so much sex, people got hungry and I think the first male/female roles were established by the male rolling over and say, "Hey, I'm hungry, why don't I go out and slay a dragon or two and you clean this dump up while I am gone".  But then the morality police got involved, when and where I am uncertain, but get involved they did.  And then all that free sex just went away until the seventies and well, you all know the rest of the story.  So, why am I, the button up, conservative being that I am writing about sex?  Well, the answer is easy, I quit drinking.