So I am sitting there just minding my own business, having just licked the last of the whipped cream off my finger tips- And I know what you are all probably thinking right now, "Oh, I thought she was on a diet, how is whipped cream on her diet". So before you get started let me tell you in the kindest, most gentle manner possible, 'Shut-up would cha"? The fact remains, I am on a d.i.e.t. but whipped cream is part of my program. Yes, that is correct I have a program! OK, now that your worst fears for me have not been confirmed, may I please continue? Flashing on the television screen before me is an ad for a new show called, "Hungry Girl". Seriously, people, do you think there is any girl out there hungrier than I am?
I don't think so. And Hungry Girl is about all of 120 lbs- and for all my stick figure girl friends out there, 120 lbs is not obese in any understanding of the word, except for maybe if you are an eight year old girl. And of that fact, I am not even sure, but I'm sure a quick review of my grade school records will confirm this. And as long as I am on the subject of grade school- how obnoxious was it that they used to "measure" you in that manner? First off, it was never a real school nurse bound by the Hippo Oath, but instead some well intended busybody PTA president, room-mom. Now, all you PTA room moms, I'm not talking about you. But seriously, it would always be some "Heather's" mom who would smile sweetly and say, "OK, honey now let’s get your weight" and then that would be followed with an, "Ooooh. All righty then" and then she'd quickly offer the other "Heather's" mom who was assisting her in this little project a quick surreptitious glance at the staggering number. Later over a two martini lunch, they'd discuss that, "poor little, ah, well fat girl” in their fabulous Heather's class! But I have digressed from my original rant about Hungry Girl. Hungry Girl is produced by the Cooking channel and as it turns out Hungry Girl herself used to have a bit of a weight problem and a few years ago she lost 30 (cough, choke) pounds and now she is so fabulous they have given her a television show. Seriously, people- her own show just because she managed to lose 30 pounds? Those of us with real weight problems, those of us that have suffered the ravages of a Spanx generated “thigh fire” know that thirty pounds while admirable ain't nothing more than a few less bags of crunchy Cheetos over the course of a couple months. So now, I'm thinking of pitching my own show concept to the network. Yeah, and I have a few names I'm considering for my show, How about, "The Big Girl Show" or maybe “That’s not a Cameo cookie in my mouth" or my absolute favorite, "That's not a stalker, that's my ass show". Stay tuned!
