My Milkshake Brings...

Sometimes we just have to stop and thank God for all the wonderful things He has put in our lives. I mean even when things don't go the way you'd planned, just thank your lucky stars, because when one door closes, another is sure to open, right?

This is exactly what I was thinking this morning. I was watching the Later Today Morning Show and I said to myself, "Self, how lucky you are."
I was certain at that moment that all the trials I have gone through led me to exactly that very second in time, watching Hoda and Kathie Lee marvel about the wonders of the "Milk Shake" bra. Would I kid you?

Now when you exclaim that your milk shake brings all the boys, you won't be just talking smack! 'Darn right, it is better than yours!'

Seriously, do I need my breastestes (Pronounced, breast-test-es) bathed in milk? I mean, if they are in need of vitamin D, why not just go French and expose those girls to some sunshine?

But what really got my attention was the cup-less cleavage wrinkle reducer. That is what I need in my life, another wrinkle reducer. It is not bad enough that I am spending money I don't have on facials and injections, but now I gotta go get something to erase the ever growing road map on my decolletage? Basically, it is a big-girl bra, without the cups. It has a very large padded area between the breasts, so it is my guess that the "experts" have decided that leaving the breasts swinging, but not touching, is the cure for these pesky (note-I did not say perky) little chest wrinkles.

Honestly, it looks like some type of 70's invention you'd find advertised in the back of Cosmo. OK people, it is time to get real here. Once you have made all your brassiere purchases, be sure you take a look at the butt booster. Yep. Gives all new meaning to finding your ass in a sling. This little contraption is guaranteed to give you the lift you've been looking for.

But here's the thing...does a big bottom look better in a sling, or out of a sling? You be the judge. Personally, I think I'd rather see the retreating backside of a plain old big ass, rather than a big, uppity in your face rear, which is what I am picturing my big ass to look like in the butt booster. I think I will just stick to my Spanx, where my "gussie" doesn't care if it is up or down. Thank God!