When bad things happen to old people....

Trying to relive your childhood is never a good idea. Just ask all the aging rockers I ran into at a recent Clapton concert. If it all hadn't hit so darn close to home, I would have laughed. But the truth is... it was sort of like that old game you played as a kid, where you'd warn the other participant when they were getting closer that they were getting "warmer", yeah. It was getting a little warm in there for me! The concert hall was packed to near capacity, so there were over 15 thousand aging rockers and let me tell you, not all of them were aging gracefully.

The concert producers did do some things right, I am sure in preparation for this particular set of guests. First off, at the multiple bars set up, you could get a double shot drink and 24 oz beers. Not a bad idea for those of us never satisfied with just enough. I mean, why stop at one, when they are offering two? Just because two double cocktails set you back the better part of $40- big deal! These aging rockers have money, right? Another thing they did well was have ushers placed strategically around the seats with little pen lights, guiding you to your seats. I mean, here's the deal. Half of us couldn't see crap before we entered the concert hall and then we downed a double Crown and Coke and while I thought I saw a slight improvement in my vision, others were clutching the little railing like it was a life preserver. Good thing ADA requires those little railings too, as there was a lot (and I do mean a lot) of getting up and down from these people. You'd just get settled into your seat and some shmo would be trying to shuffle in front of your seat to get through the isle. Now back when we were younger, we'd just sort of glare and shift our knees a little to the right. But now, the old knees don't shift like they used to and if they do shift, it may mean arthroscopic surgery down the road. So now, you have to stand up and leave the isle, all the while acting very adult like- like, "Oh, sure that's fine, I mean I don't mind getting up 25 times for you". Although in reality, I was thinking... when you get a group of aging rockers together in these numbers and you sell 24 oz beers, AND Flomax is the number one drug of choice, shouldn't someone make provisions? I can remember quite distinctly when the drug of choice was something entirely different and the end result found you chewing on cardboard pizza, exclaiming you'd never tasted anything quite as good!.

But the best part of the concert noted, besides the absolute prolific number of men with "moobs", were the girls, actually the moms and quite possibly the grandma's that decided well into the concert that they didn't need to stay in their seats. No, instead they stood on their seats and danced for the entire audience, that is all that cared to watch. Well, I for one, was memorized. Not only did I feel a good bloggie coming on, I was watching them like a case study. What in the hell were they thinking? A couple of them stood in different sections dancing, flipping their hair side to side and doing what would have essentially been a slow motion strip tease, should the setting been a little different. Jealous? Maybe a little. To have that sort of freedom with your body- that is a bit alien to me, but when you dance like Elaine from Seinfeld, believe me, you are better off not standing on your seat, showing off your ample curves. The seat will most likely break anyhow and getting the gurney in will only result in embarrassment. That sort of stuff is best left the female prison inmates. But what I did want to do is be the voice of reason, the one, singular adult at this ridiculous show of spontaneity and stand up and demand these woman put their underwear back on and take their seats. After all, I was there to see a concert!