My Life, Quite Ordinary.

Well I have made it through ten days on my latest, "Eat all you can AND still lose weight" diet. This go-around is dedicated to the low-carb foods. Yeah, I know, how can anyone be on as many diets, for as long as I have and STILL need to lose weight? But if I have to answer that question for you my friend, you are a pain in my ass! My true friends will nod their heads and exclaim, "I know, me too". Sad, but true. A lifetime of diets, countless delicious foods passed by and still I am FAT! Crap on a stick, I think to myself, wonder what would happen if I just ate what I wanted? When I ask myself that question I am desperately trying to trick myself into thinking, "Yeah, why don't we try that ONE self"? Thank goodness, I am able to outsmart myself and slap that Weight Watcher German chocolate cake outta my hand- after all, the entire box is not a serving. Come on, you know I am not the only one guilty of eating both servings in the Weight Watcher dessert arena. There has to be a reason why they package two instead of one in a box, right? You betcha, it is called the old, "Give em' two and all the fatties out there won't stop at one" technique and guess what? It works almost all of the time! Oh, yeah, at first you will only eat one, but then by about week number two, you are wolfing em' both down before breakfast! Diets and diet foods are a big business, even now in times where our wallets are shrinking and yet our asses are getting bigger. Please, I am speaking strictly for myself; don't get all defensive with me. That is another thing I have noticed. Why is it that fat girls are so much bitchier then their skinny counter-parts? Damnation, I will tell you why. Getting dressed is a chore when nothing fits. And then you go out to eat a lite breakfast and end up eating last night’s left over’s- cold, while standing at the refridge, and this takes place unconsciously, while you are thinking about what you should have for breakfast. By the time you go to pack yourself a lunch to take to the office, you are searching everywhere for last night’s leftovers, wondering what in the world happened to them! Settling for some lean turkey and "several" frozen Cameo cookies, you think this is not too bad. Unfortunately, once you have your Starbucks, low-fat, splenda laced capoo in hand, there is nothing stopping you from dipping those, now nicely thawed Cameo's. The result is about half your daily calorie allotment- all of this eaten BEFORE you start your real day! Then when you get to work and that annoyingly skinny receptionist calls out to you in her way too bright voice, "Who wants Krispy Kreme"? You know and you're pretty sure she knows that to holler out the words, "Krispy Kreme" is like putting out the cattle call. As long as you can still walk, you are gonna come for the K & K. As you pick up your sinfully, "still warm" K&K, you are secretly figuring what sort of distraction you can create, so that you can swipe another one while no one is looking, because after all, it was only yesterday that you'd announced to everyone that you were making some "big" changes!