Magic Pill

I have been trying to figure out what disorder I am suffering from and let me tell you, with all that is out there for you to choose from, this is not an easy task. I mean seriously, there is plain and simple depression, but I am looking for something a little more exotic, maybe something that has multiple syllables & and just a few more double letters. I want something that the cure will have you taking one of those new designer drugs that later in my life will come back to bite me in the ass. You know all those drugs they advertise nowadays... There is almost always some female character that goes from putting her heady down to flying through her day, almost as if she has wings. Do you know the ones I am talking about? Yeah, and at the end of the advertisement...enter the wet blanket...

"Taking Nolibra may result in a severe increase in appetite; Nolibra has been known to cause manic-like behavior in certain individuals. Individuals that are taking certain other drugs may not wake up in the morning after taking Nolibra. If you drink or even think of coffee while on Nolibra the sensation to urinate may be so severe, that you may not be able to leave your bathroom. Not all individuals taking Nolibra have these side effects. Contact 911 immediately should you or any of your loved ones experience these or a multitude of other symptoms and stop taking Nolibra right away".

Phew... OK, that was a mouthful, but yeah, I think I will go ahead and fill that prescription after all. And if you don't really have anything clinically wrong with you, but are looking for a little action- Oh, boy, are there ever pills for that! We have all seen the ad's for...shhhh... (Erectile dysfunction). There it is, I said it. They have a pill for the minute man, the one hour man and then Superman. What I'd like to know is this, "does Superman have a day job"? If so, does everyone at his place of employment know that he is "Superman" or rather the guy that swallowed a great big horsey pill? You know the one that keeps him "ready" all-day, everyday? Yeah, that's my man. My guess is that the only thing you could use in defense of this guy would be, well, kryptonite-right? You'd probably have to mix it in with his food, "Ah... a little salt, pepper, olive oil and just a squeeze or two of krytonite. There, that should slow him down a bit! Now, just in case you are thinking to yourself, what is wrong with her? I want to assure you of this, "yes, there is something wrong with me; didn't you read my first sentence? But it is not in that department". So, being at home more than I ever have in my entire adult life, my exposure to TV is greater than that of any 10 year old home on summer vacation. It has become my "little friend", just talking away in the background, while I attend to important business, like menu planning and pedi touch-ups. It is a tough world out there right now and the more I watch the "boob tube", or I guess the politically correct name today would be the, "bubbie box", the more scared I become. What if I am starting to suffer from that disease, you know the one, the one where you can't leave your house for fear of other people? Geez... I am already noticing some of the symptoms- but I will have to look it up, because I get those symptoms mixed up with the one where you are scared of Friday's 13th... Life, it is just not easy these days!