Do not lie to me...

Things lay and people lie- isn't that right? So, the fact that I have become such a consummate liar of recent should be considered normal- right? But it has just gotten me to thinking about how much I really do lie to people, even complete strangers. I don't even hesitate when someone asks me how old I am- I just lie. I mean, come on folks, anyone that asks, deserves to be lied too, don't you think? I was recently filling out one of those creepy surveys that tells you what your "real" age is. The nerve of some people, it actually asked me how much I weighed- so what the hell...I lied. I actually put in three different weights- all within a 30 pound difference, just to see how much younger I would be- IF, the diet ever starts to work. And actually, the results were not all that different- I guess you have to lose more than 30 lbs for the life saving benefits kick in. So, what do you know, this brings me back to my recent vacation and how hard I tried to stay on my "program" of low carb. I got through the first day with no major problems and then on day number two, I had lunch at Johnny Rockets- big mistake. We sat down and about three minutes later some nice young man had delivered a platter of hot onion rings and french fries to our table. Once I regained the use of my vocal cords, I squeaked out the words, "Oh, we didn't order these". He looked me right in the eye and said in his hot, thick Latin accent, I know, I brought them just for you". He had that look in his eye that said, a lot of things, but what I read was, "You need to eat some hot yummy onion rings lady, for they will make your vacation experience complete". Or at least that is what I saw in his deep carmel eyes- there was no judgement there. And in fact, when he brought me my second plate of hot oily onion rings (I told him to can the french fries) he again, had that dreamy look in his eyes and put the plate down with flourish, "These, I made just for you madame". I just sat there, looking at the offering- visions of gypsy Flamenco dancers racing by in my periphery. These onion rings were unlike any I have ever had. They were so big, I was seriously considering using them as a floaty devise out in that great big ocean, just so I could be alone with them. I needed some private time with these babies! So you can understand that when he brought me my order- a small skinless chicken breast laying (there is that word again) all by its lonely self, looking to the untrained eye to be the symbol of all things wrong with my life- I just dipped one of those lovely, juicy rings into the bright red ketchup and thought to myself, "Hello Lover"!