She went on to repeat this several times to her companion, like he was deaf. As it turns out, in addition to dental problems, his hearing was not so great either.
"You don't wanna lose another two teeth," she droned. For crying out loud, lady, I am trying to eat my breakfast and you have to start talking about losing teeth?
This sort of wrecked my eggs over medium. I couldn't stop picturing the guy behind me and his potentially missing teeth.
And that made me think of dangling teeth.
I was once seated by a host who was not just missing teeth, but his were actually hanging by a thread. Seriously, after he seated us, I quickly checked around the table just to be sure he hadn't left his lateral incisor behind.
If I hadn't spotted onion rings on the menu, I think I would have gotten up and left.
What is it about teeth, or the lack of teeth, that leaves me with a belly ache?
When you are a little kid, you actually get praised when you lose a tooth.
"Oh, you lost a tooth; you are such a big girl (boy) now."
We tell our kids to be sure to put that polished little gem under their pillows for the Tooth Fairy.
Tooth Fairy, my ass.
You know it is going to be a slow wine night when the Tooth Fairy is involved. You have to wait until the kid, who suffers from ADHD, finally drops into a toothless sleep. Then you have to creep into his room and pray that you will find the damn tooth, which invariably, you won't.
Then you'll lift his sweaty little head to stick a five dollar bill (inflation) under his pillow.
The next morning you'll feign total surprise when your kid comes out, proudly showing off his reward.
And later, when he comes back out holding that damn tooth, sobbing and slobbering accusingly that the Tooth Fairy is a sham, you'll be prepared.
You'll decide on the spot that it is time to get real with your kid. Tell them the truth about the economy. Time for the cold, hard facts.
You'll explain that the Tooth Fairy, like many business owners, has had to cut back on staff. So she now makes these midnight runs on her own and, in order to fly light and conserve fuel, she now opts to leave the little pearly whites behind. Lack of cargo space.
Your kid will look at you with those big trusting eyes and think about that for about half a minute. Then, pragmatism winning over minor details, he'll recognize that the money is the important thing, and skip off. He or she will run along, half wondering to himself, that if the Tooth Fairy is that busy, maybe she'll forget that she has already made a stop at Little Johnny's pillow. And the opportunity for a little "double dipping" rolls into existence.
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